THE NAZIS “OBJECTS OF POWER”

The most sinister figure in the annals of paranormal history is undoubtedly Heimrich Himmler, the head of the Nazi SS. In the world of the paranormal there have been many evil people. There have also been many assholes. But there has never been such a successful combination of both as in the case of Himmler. Already as a young man, when he was goose-stepping along with the Hitler Youth, the soldier who marched in front of him invariably ended up with pain in his butt due to the kicks that the asshole inflict him. In those march-pasts, Himmler raised so much the leg and with such thrust that, on one occasion, he did a back flip, which made such a good impression on Hitler (who was present witnessing the parade) that, noticing him for the first time, he started recommending Himmler for the highest positions in the Nazi hierarchy.

Well, while the soldiers were dying on the battlefront, Himmler spent the war looking for “objects of power”, like the sword of Damocles, the horn of plenty, or the Achilles’ heel. His subordinates lived in constant tension waiting for the next bizarre mission that their boss would entrust to them. Luckily for them, Himmler was such an incredibly credible guy that an old scrubber could easily be passed off as Siegfried’s beard before his eyes. But the “object of power” that drove him nuts was Cinderella’s glass shoe. He had one hundred and fifty men scattered throughout the world in search of that old relic. When one of them brought it to him at last, the first thing he did was try on the shoe. And as it was ordered to be tailor-made for him, it fitted perfectly. The asshole was so proud of this that he always wore that glass shoe with high heel, which gave rise to the false idea that he was lame. Goebbels, another huge asshole, who was really lame, was jealous of Himmler because his lameness was more stylish than his. When Hitler laughed to see Himmler wearing a leather boot in one foot and a stiletto heel in the other, Himmler got angry and told the fuhrer bitterly that, thanks to that shoe, Germany would win the war. 

Another of the relics that Himmler valued the most was Donald Duck’s sailor costume. But this was under Americans’ possession, so he organized a commando with the mission to infiltrate Hollywood and seize that object of power. When the commando returned with a suit of sailor bought in a store of disguises of New York, it overjoyed Himmler who also began to wear it permanently. And he even insisted on disguising his voice to look more like Donald Duck, which caused hilarity among the soldiers when he gave orders. When his spies brought him from England the conical hat of Merlin the magician, he acquired such outlandish appearance that Hitler began to mock him openly, which angered Himmler to the point of refusing to greet the fuhrer with the arm raised. But Hitler (who was the most asshole of all) took an ace out of his sleeve by ordering doctor Mengele to implant in Himmler’s armpit a spring through which he could not stop raising his arm. The fact is that when Himmler was captured by the allies, he became the laughingstock of the allied troops, which is believed to be the real reason for his suicide.

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