“SPIES FROM THE ANIMAL KINGDOM”

On the occasion of a question that I am asked, I am going to tell a little-known anecdote whose historical scenario was the Cold War that the two superpowers of the time fought during the second half of the 20th century. The question that I am asked is: “Are there people who have the psychic ability to understand the language of animals?”.

Well, the answer is yes, although this skill is very scarce. In fact, those few people were very sought-after by both the Western intelligence services and their Soviet Union counterparts. Nixon and Brezhnev, the leaders of both superpowers, were very interested in knowing what was being said in their rival’s office. However (as Nixon would discover very soon), it was not easy to place microphones, which were bulkier than today, or spies, which were also bulkier than today (Vladimir Kozlov, the famous Russian spy, weighed 374 pounds, and Paul Blake, in whom the character of agent 007 was inspired, weighed more than 400 and needed two other agents to hold him up.)

Both the CIA and the KGB had begun to use paranormal means to infiltrate the enemy country. And, for a time, the method most used by both sides was precisely the ability to understand the language of animals. The CIA recruited Frankie Mogliaro, an Italian-American gangster who had eliminated all his rivals from the black market of beans thanks to his ability to communicate with turkeys. The CIA taught to Mogliaro the Russian language and he in turn taught it to a turkey. When the turkey had been conveniently instructed through Mogliaro, it was parachuted into Moscow. 

Strutting before the gates of the Kremlin, the bird let itself be captured by the soldiers on duty, who intended to roast it. But the turkey escaped from their hands and landed on the head of Leonid Brezhnev without him noticing, whereupon the soldiers abandoned the pursuit. For more than ten days, the turkey remained on the head of the Soviet leader without anyone dared to comment, in the belief that it was the new hat of their leader. In this way the turkey had access to the most secret meetings of the Politburo, gathering sensitive information that later transmitted to the CIA through Frankie Mogliaro.

For its part, the KGB was not so lucky when it came to recruiting someone with the ability to communicate with animals. (I have already said that such skill is very scarce.) After long inquiries, they discovered that the carer of the giraffes of the Leningrad Zoo had long conversations with those animals. They made preparations for a giraffe to infiltrate the White House, but the operation failed due to logistical issues.

This is a non-profit blog whose purpose is to raise funds for children in need. So if you want to make a donation in exchange for this story, click on this link to UNICEF. I really appreciate it!

1 thought on ““SPIES FROM THE ANIMAL KINGDOM”

  1. Recently I discovered the humorist S. J. Perelman, and you know what? I think my sense of humor is similar to his. If you like my sense of humor (absurd, surrealistic), you will like still more that of S. J. Perelman.

    Like

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