“A CHEESE IN THE WRONG HANDS”

Alphonse Capone, the famous Chicago mafia boss, never left home without a wheel of parmesan cheese under his arm. When graphic reporters waited for him at the entrance, the cheese was held by one of his bodyguards. That’s why you will not find any picture of him with a cheese. His gangsters were in charge of the dirty work: the shootings, the contraband of liquors, the salmon fishing out of season… He merely transported a parmesan cheese through the streets and avenues of Chicago. That’s why a serious crime against him could never be proven. Transporting a cheese on the street is not punishable by law, unless it is for illicit purposes. But the purposes of Al Capone did not seem illicit at first sight. The most famous gangster in history did the work of a cheese delivery man! At first, he was distributing Swiss cheeses, but the holes did not convince him, so he went over to Parmesan. A cheesemaker from Parma made them especially for him. Each week he received a supply of twelve huge parmesan cheeses. During his trial for tax fraud, the prosecutor also tried to charge him with the crime of illegal possession of cheese, arguing that a cheese, in the wrong hands, could become a serious danger to the community. But the request did not prosper. However, the famous law enforcement officer Elliot Ness suspected Capone from the moment he learned that he did not distribute the cheeses on demand and that he did not charge anything for them. In fact, it was a ruinous business. It is estimated that every year he lost the tune of two hundred thousand dollars in cheese. During the trial, his accountant stated that he always suggested that he should make smaller portions but Capone refused. The 83-pound Capone cheeses lasted only half morning. When the cheese was over, he came back for another one. But what the hell was he doing with those cheeses? To find out, Ness put him under close surveillance. He discovered that he did not even knock on the door of its recipients: he just cut a large piece of cheese and deposited it in front of the door, then he left. Ness began to put two and two together when he found out that Capone had a score to settle with each and everyone of the recipients of the cheeses. At first, he suspected that they might be poisoned, but after a thorough forensic analysis it was established that they were first quality cheeses, the best cheeses that could be found in Chicago. There were even a lot of citizens who became enemies of the mafia boss only to receive his cheeses weekly. Ness didn’t understand anything but continued to investigate and, at last, his inquiries began to bear fruit. When he interrogated the employees of the hotel where Capone was staying, the mystery was cleared up. The testimonies were unanimous: in his suite, at night, the capo practiced spells and rituals of black magic over the cheeses. Thus, those cheeses of harmless appearance and taste, were cursed. The curse acted slowly but surely: it could take months, years, even decades without it taking effect. But the day came when the cheese recipient died. It did not matter if an autopsy was performed and it determined “death due to natural causes”. A curse leaves no trace.

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