“THE SEXY LAMP”

The patient, on the couch. The analyst behind seated in a chair.

PATIENT: Why do you insist on contradicting me, doctor? I tell you that my husband cheats on me!

DOCTOR: But you have no proof

PATIENT: And the floor lamp in the dining room?

DOCTOR: For goodness’ sake! We’re back with the lamp!

PATIENT: He bought her without consulting me!

DOCTOR: Because he liked it. But that does not make him an adulterer

PATIENT: That lamp is full of curves, doctor!

DOCTOR: It’s an Art Deco lamp. Art Deco is a curvilinear style. Your husband doesn’t cheat on you with that lamp. You have to get rid of that absurd idea 

PATIENT: What if I tell you I’ve seen him embracing her?

DOCTOR: Embracing the lamp?

PATIENT: The other night I woke up and he wasn’t by my side in bed. I went stealthily to the dining room and there he was, embracing her and whispering sweet nothings in her ear. What do you have to say to that, doctor?

DOCTOR: (Perplexed) Did he whisper in the lamp’s ear?

PATIENT: And he kissed her!

DOCTOR: Was the lamp off or on?

PATIENT: Off

DOCTOR: Then surely the darkness confused you. Shadows made you see something that was not

PATIENT: I know what I saw! And it was an indecency. Kissing passionately with a lamp, the scoundrel! And in my own house!

DOCTOR: Okay, okay. Let’s suppose you are right and he was kissing the lamp. It’s a lamp, for God’s sake! Lamps have no feelings. How can you be jealous of a lamp?

PATIENT: What does it matter whether he is loved back or not? That doesn’t stop being adultery.

DOCTOR: Surely it’s just a passing fancy. He’ll get over it. Your husband is a renowned scientist. A reasonable man. He can not be seriously in love with a lamp … no matter how many curves it has

PATIENT: The fault lies with the government, which allows such indecent lamps to be manufactured. It is intolerable!

DOCTOR: (Still perplexed) Was he really embracing the lamp?

PATIENT: As if he were a monkey clinging to a tree trunk. It was obscene! I should contact the National Legion of Decency. They know how to act in these cases

The analyst turns to look at the standing lamp that illuminates the room.

PATIENT: What do you do?

The analyst turns immediately and meets his patient’s inquisitive eyes.

DOCTOR: Who? Me?

PATIENT: Yes, you! I’ve seen how you were looking at that lamp.

DOCTOR: You will not be implying that I …

PATIENT: You men are all the same!

The patient gets up angrily, grabs her purse, and hits the analyst with a slap that knocks him off the chair.

PATIENT: Pervert!

Then she leaves the room, indignant.


This is a non-profit blog whose purpose is to raise funds for children in need. So if you want to make a donation in exchange for this story, click on this link to UNICEF. I really appreciate it!

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