“THE HORRID WOMAN”

A Brooklyn merchant showed up one day at the ENIGMA CONSULTANTS office to explain a very personal topic:

“Every night a horrid woman tries to make love with me”

“Sorry. We don’t deal with such personal issues. I suggest you ask for a divorce. “

“But I love my wife!”

“Well, I don’t think she would love you in case she heard you call her ‘horrid woman'”

At this point, Jacob intervened:

“’Horrid woman’ is not necessarily pejorative.

But in view of the scant success of his assessment he decided to plead again the Fifth Amendment.

“I don’t mean my wife! My wife doesn’t know anything about this! Luckily we sleep in separate rooms and she has a very deep sleep “

“So there’s another woman in your house …”

“Not! My wife and I live alone “

“Are you implying that a woman sneaks into your house at night to make love with you without your consent ?

“Exactly!”

“That’s a serious crime”

Of course, Michael and Jacob accepted the case. The man gave his address and a copy of the key to the one-story house where he lived. The plan was to surprise the intruder and catch her red-handed. That very evening, at dusk, they both stood in the vicinity of the house waiting for the “horrid woman” to appear. And she did, but in a disconcerting way. She appeared flying wildly, naked, and waving his arms with membranes that served as wings. She also had pig nose, bat ears and owl eyes, and although she had the main attributes of a woman, those extra features did not make her a graceful woman.  To think that a woman like that might get nuts about you, made your hair stand up. It was the first time that Michael and Jacob faced a female demon that in horror literature is called ‘succubus’.

The entrance of the woman through the window had caught them off guard, so they ran and, without making a sound so as not to wake the wife, they entered the house and rushed upstairs, to their client’s bedroom. Upon entering they witnessed a horrifying scene. The succubus or the “horrid woman,” as he had called her, straddled the poor man who was desperately trying to hold the eiderdown that covered him to the neck while the succubus tried to snatch it. Quickly, Michael and Jacob intervened in the matter trying to divert the monster’s attention by interpreting the song “Is it true what they say about Dixie?” that they had rehearsed for similar occasions. The trick was effective as the woman turned her owl eyes towards them while they sang and took dance steps in unison. Unfortunately, their interpretation also attracted the attention of the merchant’s wife, who was sleeping in the next room. She kicked the door down and stopped for a moment on the threshold to get an idea of what was happening. It did not take much insight to interpret that her husband was having an affair with musical accompaniment. 

Well, if the “horrid woman” had seemed dangerous to them, their client’s furious wife scared the shit out of them. With a leather whip, she started to tear everybody’s skin off. Using the advantage provided by her bat wings, the succubus flew out the window. But Michael and Jacob had to travel a long way to the front door receiving on their backs the painful lashings of the one that, for them, turned out to be the real “horrid woman”.


This is a non-profit blog whose purpose is to raise funds for children in need. So if you want to make a donation in exchange for this story, click on this link to UNICEF. I really appreciate it!

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