Episode 36: “KARLSBAD”

If the life of a member of the privileged class who does not need to work for a living was already boring in Paris, here in the spa, boredom reaches cosmic proportions. I doubt much that in Neptune or Pluton, (to name two planets with a degree of evolution similar to that of Earth, according to the latest discoveries of the Charenton lunatic asylum’s observatory), people get bored as much as we get bored here. Being subjected to rigid schedules determined by the frequent intake of water, constricts your life to the point that one completely lacks freedom of choice if it is not for things like the underpants that you are going to put on today. And taking into account that it is strictly forbidden to accumulate the water necessary for the intake of the whole day but it is necessary to go to the spring on each of the six daily occasions in which this intake is stipulated, you don’t even have time to relieve yourself. In short, you spend most of your time queuing up at one of the many thermal springs scattered around the resort, each with its exclusive healthful properties. It’s true that in my case I’m not forced to queue, but (unless you’re so addicted to climbing as an alcoholic to alcohol) climbing six times a day the same rock wall equivalent to five stories high, ends up getting bored as much as queuing six times a day. With the added disadvantage that you end up physically so tired that, during the brief intervals between one intake and the other, you don’t feel like doing anything at all. If you add to this that (as I later found out) in my case the water ingested has high levels of radioactivity, you have the perfect cocktail so that any day you explode or pop off vertically like the projectile invented by Jules Verne in his novel “From the Earth to the Moon”. In this regard, it’s significant that my progresses are being supervised by the Austro-Hungarian Minister of War in person. (General Von Krieghammer sleeps in a cot next to my bed and sometimes, when I wake at night, I catch him scrutinizing the inside of my ear as if he was looking through a keyhole.)

This is a non-profit blog whose purpose is to raise funds for children in need. So if you want to make a donation in exchange for this story, click on this link to UNICEF. I really appreciate it!

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