Extrasensory Perception (ESP) technology has evolved a lot in recent years thanks to an artifact invented by Eskimo engineer Don Tknowhat-Imdoing. The purpose of this invention is to stimulate the brain to be able to guess what a goldfish in a bowl is thinking. The artifact consists of a polo mallet and a chair with straps. The receiver is securely tied to the chair and beaten on the head with the polo mallet at regular intervals (it’s desirable to get the receiver to survive the experiment.). He is then given time to recover and the receiver’s divinations are checked against the sender’s thoughts. This is converted into a numeral variable called ‘precision’, which indicates the percentage of correct answers for the total of guesses made. If the ‘precision’ is greater than fifteen percent, it’s considered a success. If the percentage is lower, the experiment is repeated as many times as necessary and a lawsuit is filed.

Image: Prof. Don Tknowwhat-Imdoing with the polo mallet, preparing to tie the ‘receiver’.

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