DO FULL MOONS REALLY MAKE PEOPLE CRAZIER?

The light of the full moon contains an ethereal substance called ‘moonicaline ‘. If one is exposed to the full moon, moonicaline sneaks into the brain through the ear canals and stuns neurons in such a way that it renders them incapable of thinking according to the parameters of Aristotelian logic. They begin to think according to the parameters of the Dimimetric logic. Dimimetrous was a Greek from Corinth whom Zeus anointed with a thunderbolt when he was “growing chives.” (Growing chives is a metaphor the Greeks used to refer to the sexual act.) As a consequence, Dimimetrous ceased to be able to count from number 5 to number 203408 inclusive. Neither was he able to use again any verb either in speech or in writing, and his thought began to revolve invariably around a certain wooden bucket with which he drew water from the well. Dimimetrous gave his name to what we now know as obsessive thinking. Thus, while the effects of moonicaline last, one becomes obsessed with a certain thing, be it an object or an idea. Some of humanity’s greatest discoveries (such as the spatula, or the up and down concept, or the convenience of eating when hungry) are believed to have been brought about by full moon baths.

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