My government contact summoned me to his office at 30 Hudson Yards. To my surprise, instead of my contact, in the office I met the very US President. In person he seemed to me taller than I imagined -or maybe I was shorter than imagined. I gave him the cap of the anunnaki to prove my feat and he shook my hand and placed a medal on my forehead. Then he invited me to sit down and he did the same. “Have you heard of 1952 Topps Jackie Robinson card?” he asked me.
-I know there was only one copy left, but it was lost
-Now it has fallen into the hands of the anunnaki. We got reason to believe it’s the last card they needed to complete their collection. So, Earth’s destruction may be imminent
I turned pale and noticed my wires getting crossed. “Earth’s destruction?!” I exclaimed stupefied, “Does that involve my own destruction?!” But I didn’t have to wait for the answer: somehow I already knew. I immediately hit the floor face down tearing my hair out and unreasonably screaming ‘I am not worthy to be destroyed!’. This must have lasted several hours because when I came to myself I was in a hospital bed and the President was back in the Oval Office giving a live address to the nation. I was watching him on TV and, although I didn’t catch all the words, the word “hypoglycemia” was abundant in the speech. I didn’t know its meaning, but I could feel how my few remaining hairs stood on end every time I heard this word. Finally, I couldn’t resist it anymore and remotely turned off the television by throwing an oxygen cylinder at it. “We’re all going to die of hypoglycemia!” I screamed while the television caught fire. At that moment, a spotlight from above illuminated me. In my feverish state I thought I was on the Carnegie Hall stage and my lifelong dream was coming true. I started singing ‘The Star Spangled Banner’ and the next instant I was absorbed by the beam of light as if someone was sipping me through a straw.
That ‘someone sipping’ was the Zeta Reculans. There he was the alien doctor who had operated on me the first time. He smiled and told me that at last he had learned the difference between a nose and a penis, and that he wanted to put everything back in its place. Then something clicked in my mind, because I remembered that the last time, when I mentioned the anunnaki, the Zeta Reculans had begun to weep and gnash their teeth. I remembered that, according to the theory of the ancient astronauts, in the first ages of the world there had been a kind of space war between various alien factions. And suddenly I understood that in that primal war the Zeta Reculans had been defeated by the anunnaki. “Think it’s time for a rematch!” I shouted, and proceeded to announce the imminent arrival of the anunnaki fleet and the occasion that was presented to them for striking back. My pep talk inflamed them in such a way that they threw me back to the hospital bed and their spaceship shot out to prepare the battle.
A couple of days later, on Earth night, fireworks were seen in the sky, as if a great battle was being fought. I prayed that the Zeta Reculans would win, and this must have happened because the anunnaki have not been heard from again. I never met any of them again in the streets of New York and, after a short time, I was honorably discharged by the government and I had to find another way to earn a living. Now I dedicate myself to tax advice from a novel perspective: that of astrology.
THE END
SILLY HUMOR FOR SMART PEOPLE 