MOAI HEADS OF EASTERN ISLAND

The massive statues planted on Easter Island did not sprout from the fertile soil of the place, as some natural scientists seem to believe. Nor were they carved and placed there by its ancient inhabitants, as other brainless archaeologists hint. Obviously, those statues represent beings from Proxima Centauri, a galaxy known for its love of bigheads. The citizens of Proxima Centauri wear massive papier-mâché heads on their own real heads: a custom due to the need to hide their haircut since Proxima Centauri lacks first-class hairdressers and the population cuts their hair using mowers. Evidence of the Moai’s extraterrestrial provenance abounds on Eastern island. To begin with, at the top of some of the statues a small inscription has been found that reads “Made in Proxima Centauri”. Numerous souvenirs from this galaxy have also been found scattered around the island. On the other hand, the theory that it was the Polynesian inhabitants who carved these statues is unrealistic. And this for a simple reason: the economic activity of the island was too intense for anyone to have time to lose. Ancient alien theorists have proposed the “Wall Street simile”. It would be (they say) as if the Wall Street executives were being asked to carve, in their spare time, gigantic stone statues representing their ancestors: it’s positively ridiculous.

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