STONEHENGE

Have you tried lifting a 25-pound stone? Yesterday I tried to lift a stool and almost broke my spine. Now imagine raising a ring of standing stones each weighing around 25 tons. So, a question arises on its own: In the year 3100 BC, why would someone other than aliens bother to erect such a monument? People were busy enough trying to find something to put in their mouths, to start raising massive stone circles that, furthermore, had no practical use. Instead, aliens don’t have anything else to do. (The truth is, extraterrestrial life is pretty boring.) For them, raising gigantic stone monuments is like a hobby. Because they know how to make stones move by themselves. (Beneath each stone is a pair of hidden legs, which are activated by a cloaked switch whose location only aliens know.) There has been much speculation that Stonehenge was a kind of astronomical observatory. What nonsense. Despite the continuous excavations, no telescope has been found; not even a magnifying glass. Yes, there are numerous contact lenses for both eyes scattered throughout the area, but this is accounted for by the frequent stumbles of the sightseers. There has been also speculation that Stonehenge was used for ancestor worship. But that denotes a huge ignorance of human ancestors from 5000 years ago. The ancestors of those individuals were not like our current grandparents, who indulge all our whims and take us to the zoo. Those ancestors used to carry a big stick to hunt mammoths and hardly ever had time to play ‘I spy’.