‘UFO TODAY’ SCOOP: INTERVIEW WITH THE GOVERNMENT

Journalist: “Are you up to something?”
Government Representative: “Who let the cat out of the bag?!”
J.: “Why do you insist on denying the obvious?”
G. R.: “Are you referring to the Earth being invaded by weather balloons?”
“You see? Why don’t you say things the way they are? For example, I have here this case. The population of a town in the Midwest gaped as a flying object the size of a football stadium performed pirouettes in the sky. Now I quote directly: ‘After twenty minutes pirouetting, five little green men descended from the object and went out into the crowd to pass the hat around’”
“This is typical behavior for a weather balloon. Although it could also be a flock of ostriches”
“Ostriches? In the Midwest? Besides, ostriches don’t fly”
“What are you trying to say? That what these people saw was a manned craft from outer space? How silly!”
“I’m just presenting the facts. I’ve got another case here: “A huge silver disc-shaped object stood over the bar. From it came a metallic voice saying “Drinks for everyone on me!”. However, when it came time to pay, the UFO vanished without a trace.” Is this typical of a weather balloon?”
“You’d be surprised how stingy weather balloons are” 
“And what about all the people who claim to have been abducted by an alien ship? I quote: “I was sucked up by the spaceship. I could hear the typical slurp noise. Suddenly I found myself in an operating room where a gray surgeon with large almond eyes removed my tonsils”
“And they say that our health system is deficient”
“Are you saying it’s a new government medical service?”
“That’s exactly what I say. We locate citizens who have any ailment, we abduct them and operate on them for free. Didn’t you want universal healthcare? Well, here it is!”
“And why haven’t you made it public until now?”
“We didn’t want to take any credit for it”
“Do you know what I think?”
“You think this planet is being visited by aliens, and that’s nonsense!”
“Last Tuesday a colleague of mine interviewed an alien who was sitting in the same chair that you now occupy”
“They’re fugitives now”
“What are they guilty of?”
“Of disclosing state secrets”
“So you admit that the alien was right! Are you recruiting an army of aliens to take power on a planetary level?”
“That’s classified information”
“So, it’s true”
“Hoaxes can also be classified!”
“And what about the alien?”
“Another state secret”
“But you yourselves sent him to us to deny his own existence!”
“That was a blunder. We have already removed the responsible”
“However, the alien exists!”
“Nonsense! Aliens don’t exist”
“And what about that alien?”
“It was a non-existent alien!”
“But you guys sent it to us!”
“I already told you it was a clumsy mistake! Stop harassing me or I’ll send the army against you!”
“It’s not me, it’s the truth that harass you!”
“Well, tell the truth to stop harassing me or…”
“Or what? Will you also outlaw the truth?”
“Why don’t you do something sensible and turn your fake news paper into a sports one? It would be more fruitful”
“Our mission is to tell the truth to the world”
“I’m not asking you to falsify NFL scores”
“The public have a right to know”
“Ahh yes, the public must be informed of everything, right? So why not also inform the public that sooner or later they’re going to kick the bucket?”
“That’s not proven, it’s pure speculation!”
“Let’s find out for sure”
(A gunshot bursts out like a cannon)

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