THE FLIRTATIOUS LIZARD

Michael and Jacob make their way down a crowded Coney Island boardwalk. “Call me paranoid if you want to,” Jacob says, “but I find it really weird. So many people sticking out their tongue…”“It’s warm and people licks ice-cream cones, what’s so weird about that?””The man from Washington said that going around with your tongue out is a sign of …”“Bah, you won’t believe such nonsense. Besides, all these people have good reasons to stick out their tongues.”“What about that one?” says Jacob pointing to a man sitting on a bench. For no apparent reason, the man is panting with his tongue hanging out. “There must be an innocent explanation.”“I find it really suspicious.”“All right, let’s talk to him if it’ll make you feel better.”Both are heading toward the panting man when all of a sudden they stop upon seeing a panting woman meeting the panting man. Petrified, they watch as the couple lick each other all over their faces.“Gosh!” exclaims Jacob. “Aliens have no decency!”“Let’s not jump to conclusions.” “They’re sucking each other’s noses, gross! If that is a kiss, I wonder how they do make love!”“There is only one way to find out.”“What do you mean?”“If it’s true that aliens have been infiltrated among us, we’ll have to infiltrate among them.”Shortly after, Jacob is sitting on a bench panting with his tongue hanging out.

At dusk, a panting woman with her tongue sticking out approaches the panting Jacob. “Hi,” she says flirtatious, “my name is Fdgthy.” Jacob babbles something unintelligible. “What’d you say your name is?” “Kldwjsxqklpbkwrtdf” “Oh, I once shagged a chameleon named Kldwjsxqklpbkwrtdf. He had two penises.” As if driven by a spring coil, Jacob jumps out of the bench and begins to walk fast. The woman accompanies him: “We’re nearing the end of the breeding season, honey, and I’ve only laid one brood. What do you say we go under the pier?”Jacob suddenly stops, “I am an eunuch, ma’am, if you catch my drift.” “What do you mean an eunuch?” “Don’t have any penis!” “Ah, I see! you are a gecko! It’s all right. I’m a lizard.””You’re a bit sharp-tongued, ma’am!” “We can still resort to asexual reproduction.” “Oh! What insolence is this?” “I tell you what, I’ll lay the eggs in the sand and then you fertilize them. What do you say to that?” “What a shameful, filthy thing you’re saying!”Suddenly the woman turns around and faces Michael, who is stalking them. “Who are you?””Michael! Where have you been?”The woman turns to Jacob: “Kldwjsxqklpbkwrtdf, do you know this guy?””No. What makes you say that?”Michael draws a gun, “Hands up!””Michael, this depraved woman wants me to fertilize her eggs!””So, you don’t know him, huh?””Just because my knowing his name? You’re acting paranoid.”In no time the woman transforms into a giant lizard, and shoots her long tongue out of her mouth at high speed, knocking Michael on the head and then Jacob.

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